Past Thoughts (Ford and Stan Pines)

“So when were you going to tell me?’

“Hm?” Stanford blinked, glancing up from the journal he had been scribbling in over the last two hours. A jar sat in front of the researcher, what looked like an octopus crossed with a seal swimming around in the water. It let out an annoyed sound when Stanley tapped the side of its enclosure. “Stanley…”

“Ford…you were going to die.” This caught his attention, Stanford looking slightly startled as he stared at his twin.

“What are you talking about Stanley?” He asked, journal forgotten as Stan sat on his bunk across from his brother. The younger twin looked downcast, an all too familiar book being held in his weathered fingers. “Where did…”

“Had I not started that damn thing…you would have died.” He replied quietly, eyes boring into Stanford’s.  The elder swallowed nervously, picking at the cuff of his jacket. He had never wanted to let Stanley know, that damn journal of his…

“Stanley…there is something you need to understand.” He began hesitantly, heart starting to race as he thought of the days leading up to his homecoming. “I thought that I would never come home, that you had left and the portal would be forever shut down.” Stan frowned, but let his brother speak. “I thought that killing B-HIM, would end my suffering, and that everything would turn for the better.”

“Death isn’t an answer.” Stan snapped immediately, Ford nearly jerking at the response.

“You don’t understand Stanley, it had been thirty years. Thirty years alone, surviving by the skin of my teeth day after day after day! Do you know what it’s like?!” Stanford’s hands were shaking, the pencil he had been holding now reduced to splinters. I stopped caring about living, and when I was given the chance to end him and myself…”

“Why did you go to the portal then?” Ford frowned softly, sitting back in his chair. Stanley watched as his brother contemplated, his gaze focused on nothing. The sound of the ocean and occasional sea gull broke the silence, Stan shaking his head slightly when Ford straightened in his seat.

“I…am not certain. Irrational thought of survival? Preventing HIM from entering the portal to who knows where? I confess, I only remember seeing it and jumping threw when I had my chance…I don’t remember anything else.” Stanford seemed pained to talk about it, long fingers drumming against his left knee. “I never wanted you to know.”

“Why?” Stan frowned, his gaze concerned and confused. “You promised to tell me everything, this is something you shouldn’t bottle up.”

“You shouldn’t worry, I’ve had time to realize that things are…alright now.” Stanford smiled softly, his thoughts turning to the children that had changed his life for the better.

“Ford this is serious, of course I’m going to worry.” Stan frowned, his brother glancing over at him with a wane smile. “I know those sorts of thoughts just don’t go away.”

“How do you know that?” Stanford frowned, his twin looking nonplussed at his reaction.

“I’ve had my own share of issues.” Stan replied curtly. “I sure as hell didn’t them to myself, well not for thirty years.” Stanford sighed as Stanley reached out and gently pat his brothers knee. “Look…I want to help you in any way I can. Through thick and thin, I didn’t do that before, but I want to know. If you feel, ya know, the urge to do something stupid, come talk to me.”

“I’m not a knucklehead…” Ford joked softly, the two sharing an amused chuckle. “I understand what you’re saying, and thank you. As easy as things are now, they won’t always be, and you’re right.”

“I have my moments.” Stan grinned, the two chuckling as the younger twin sat back against his pillows. Ford couldn’t help but smile as he returned to his research. His brother had always been there for him, and he couldn’t be more happier.